Sake Drops in Teacups
by Zeppelin Skies
Summary: Souji's not-so-secret relationship with Chizuru, a geisha of Shimabara, is starting to make his life infinitely more complicated.
1. Part I: Paper Sakuras

**Chapter Note: Slight AU, in which Chizuru is a normal human woman and Okita does not have tuberculosis. Also a play off of Okita's route in Zuisouroku, where Chizuru impersonates a geisha in order to help the Shinsengumi. The quote below is from his route.**

* * *

**Sake Drops in Teacups**

"_Can't say I was ever interested in geisha, but…if I'd be allowed to see that girl again, I get the feeling I'd go every day."_

* * *

**Part I: Paper Sakuras**

Souji wasn't a particularly patient person. Nor was he easily amused, but it wasn't all that long ago that trips to the Sumi teahouse in Shimabara with the other Shinsengumi captains could put him at his most content.

Right now though, it was safe to say that not even the food and alcohol in front of him could make Shinpachi and Heisuke's obnoxious antics any less grating to his ears.

"Aw, it really is good to have you back, punk!" Shinpachi drunkenly leaned over on Heisuke, spilling sake on him in the process. Heisuke pushed back at him in vain.

"_Ack!_ Get off, you fat bastard. My arm's still healing you know!"

"You're all right. Besides, who're you callin' fat, now? _All_ this is a pure specimen of muscle—"

"Yeah? What do you call that flabby bit, there?"

"Ha! Nice try, _Heisuke-chan_, ain't no flab on this fantastic body."

"H-Hey! Who the hell're you callin' _–chan?_"

Harada chuckled as Saito sighed heavily.

"Hijikata-san will not be pleased," the latter stated. For the third time that night. Souji rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry, Hajime-kun. We'll have him back at a reasonable time."

Saito fixed him with his keen gaze that suggested Souji knew better. "That is not the issue."

"It's just a little celebration, nothing too crazy," Harada grinned. Souji hummed in agreement, but he couldn't say he was really paying attention to the conversations happening around him. It wasn't that he didn't care about why they were there, or didn't usually enjoy their company, but he was just a touch…distracted.

Their geisha for the night returned with fresh sake and even more food—really, who was _paying_ for all this, because it certainly wasn't him—and she came to refill his cup. He moved it out of her reach before she could.

"I'm good for now," he said.

"Yes, Okita-han."

Without faltering, she smoothly bowed and stood, moving on to Saito. Souji spotted a flash of something out of the corner of his eye, next to his half-eaten food.

"What's the matter, not drinking tonight?" Harada asked. Souji knew it would seem odd to him, since they hadn't been out like this for a few weeks now.

"I'm not really feeling it, to be honest. I might get some air." He was aware that both Harada and Saito were watching him as he set down his sake cup, but he used the movement to grab the small object left next to his plate and hide it in his sleeve as he stood.

Harada's golden eyes were sharp as ever as he smiled, somewhat slyly.

"Have an appointment to get to or something?"

Souji didn't allow himself to hesitate. He looked back at Harada with the most convincing mild confusion he could muster.

"What kind of appointment would that be, Sano-san?"

Harada didn't have an answer for him, but Souji was irritated enough by his smile that he didn't care to hear it anyway.

* * *

Souji closed the _shoji_ door behind him and made his way down the hall until he found the one he was looking for.

She sat waiting for him there, with a tray of sake already prepared. Her head raised when she heard the door slide open, and the way her face brightened with her smile actually coiled a bit of warmth in his chest.

He disguised the feeling with a smirk as he came in and sat down across from her, the sake between them. He let the paper sakura blossom fall out of his sleeve and onto the tray.

"Chizuru-chan," he greeted. She knew better than to be too formal with him, or use that silly accent geisha typically spoke to hide their origins. Chizuru was an Edo woman, through and through.

Folding her hands in her lap, she bowed her head only a little, but no less gracefully when she was able to look up at him again with that gentle smile of hers. It couldn't hide the happy sparkle in her brown eyes.

"Good evening, Okita-san," she said softly. She began by reaching out for the _tokkuri_ flask and poured his sake into a saucer. Sake wasn't what he was craving, but he took a sip anyway, his sharp, molten eyes never leaving hers over the rim of the dish until she finally started to blush under the heat of his scrutiny. Her fingers twitched in her lap.

His smirk deepened. Even with all her training, all the years she'd spent in this place, she still couldn't hide her thoughts worth a damn. At least not with him.

"You're sitting awfully far, Chizuru-chan," he commented idly. "Are you _trying_ to hurt my feelings?"

Her eyes widened, but before she could protest, Souji moved the tray aside and leaned forward until his cheek nearly touched hers. He braced himself with his free hand on the floor by her knees while his lips brushed her ear.

"Or are you still afraid of me?" he asked.

Chizuru shivered at the pleasant timbre of his voice in her ear, but she only moved back enough to meet his eyes when she gave him a small smile. She set the _tokkuri_ flask back on the tray and raised a hand to shyly touch his cheek. It was his turn to be surprised.

"N-No," she said, shaking her head slightly. "I'm not."

Souji's smile then was softer than before, but still sly. He left the rest of his sake on the tray and held her hand to his cheek for a moment. He turned his head to press his lips into her palm. Her blush spread down to her neck as he continued down the length of her wrist, all the while holding her gaze. Her breath trembled a little, and his mouth curved up at the corners against her skin.

"Okita-san—"

His lips silenced hers, taking any complaint she might've had at his teasing. She sighed into him, her body relaxing against his when he brought her closer by the waist. He cradled her cheek, internally frowning when he swept away a stray tear he felt on his thumb. She had definitely been worried.

Her small hands gripped his kimono as he deepened the kiss. He briefly pulled away, just to press another lingering kiss to her lips.

"Sorry. I know it's been a while," Souji said eventually. He couldn't remember the last time he'd apologized, for anything.

Chizuru shook her head and wiped at her face, careful of her makeup. Her smile returned, this time with that somewhat dreamy look that always managed to amuse him.

"You must be so busy," she said. And then her smile dropped, her brows furrowed with thinly veiled concern. Souji noticed how her hands tightened on his sleeves.

"I…I heard about the incident at Aburano Koji. A-Are you…is everyone—"

She squeaked as Souji abruptly settled her more comfortably onto his lap, mindful of the annoyingly long pins in her hair that almost poked him in the eye. He should've known she would hear about that sooner rather than later.

Maybe he shouldn't have waited so long to come see her again, but Heisuke's return to the Shinsengumi had been a rocky one; he still wasn't completely recovered from his injuries, and Hijikata had been even more irritating than usual about "_getting things back on track_." Souji didn't think he could escape the man's hawk-like scrutiny if he tried to leave headquarters for leisure by himself without a reasonable excuse.

Well, reasonable for Hiji-baka, anyway.

He was just lucky that Shinpachi and Harada had devised this plan to sneak Heisuke out of the compound for a night.

"_Yare_, _yare_," Souji grinned down at her. "You worry too much."

Chizuru gave a rare pout. It only deepened when he laughed, but her eyes said she was happy to see him so amused. He tipped her chin up to him with two fingers, brushing her lower lip with his thumb.

"I'm here in one piece, aren't I?" he pointed out. "Does that face mean you think I'm not good enough as a warrior,_ Chi-zu-ru_-chan?"

Her expression almost made him laugh again.

"Of-of course not, Okita-san!"

He would never get tired of her reactions to his teasing. Maybe that was why he couldn't help but be drawn to her, in the beginning. She was amusing, but more than anything, she was honest to a fault—a rare flicker of innocence in these violent, bloody times. That kind of quality was a liability, to be sure.

Souji didn't often like liabilities.

It also wasn't a particularly good quality for a geisha.

He smirked. "_Hmm~_? _Of course_, you don't think I'm an excellent swordsman?"

She knew he was teasing her. Her angry blush was evidence enough, but it was her visibly trying to figure out how to turn the tables on him without possibly offending him that was too much fun.

Chizuru released her grip on his clothing and held his hand in both of hers. Her lips curved into another smile as they lightly kissed his knuckles.

"I know…these hands are very strong, Okita-san," she said.

In the end, of course she'd gone with sincerity. It wasn't often that Souji was at a loss for words, but somehow she'd managed it. He stared back at her. Those large eyes of hers were amber in the dim lamplight, shaded with red in the corners that matched the color of her lips. Suddenly he wanted to know what she looked like without that makeup, or her hair in all those complicated knots and pins.

Tucked in a faraway corner of his mind, where he kept his most impossible, and admittedly mostly incomplete thoughts, a more complete picture was starting to take route there. Souji wanted to know what she looked like first thing in the morning, those eyes sliding open, with that first smile of her day being only for him.

He knew that kind of thinking was dangerous for a man like him. He was Kondou's sword, a tool for the Shinsengumi to move forward and nothing more. But…

"_Ne_, Chizuru-chan?"

"Y-Yes?"

He eyed the discarded tray of sake, all too easily imagining a much brighter setting; one where they weren't hiding from the rest of the world in a room where privacy was just an illusion and their time together wasn't bought and paid for.

"Can you make tea?"

"_Eh_?" She looked up at him in confusion. "Now?"

Souji held her tighter, stopping her from leaving his lap and the warmth of his embrace. He smirked at her.

"No, not now. I just want to know if you're _capable _of doing it."

She was still confused, giving him an odd look that now even seemed slightly offended. True, she had prepared his sake, so it stood to reason that she could make something as simple as tea. Still, he thought it was a valid question.

"Ah…yes, I can make tea."

"I guess that means you cook for yourself too."

"Of course," she said. Suspicion crept into her gaze as she frowned. She had to be wondering what he was on about.

"Would you cook for me?" he hedged. "Anything I wanted? I have a feeling you would spoil me."

Chizuru's eyes widened as her suspicion began to fall away at what he was implying. She looked away from him with a real frown, putting a damper on his good mood.

"Please don't tease me, Okita-san," she murmured. His fingers gripped her chin again, but she still didn't look at him.

"What do you mean?" Souji asked. But he knew full well what she was thinking. He just wanted her to be bold enough to say what she meant, and look him in the eyes when she did.

"You know very well that I…I…"

Souji frowned at the tears he saw welling up. It didn't matter.

Never had she ever said outright what she wanted, and tonight, he was determined to hear her say it.

_But what then? _a more logical thought hit him. _What will you do about it?_

He ignored that for the moment and gently shook her chin.

"What?" he pressed.

"I'm not a free woman," she said at last. _And I'm not actually yours_.

She owed a debt to the Sumi for taking her in, for training her in the arts of a geisha. It wasn't unlike the debt he owed to Kondou-san, except his debt was more or less of the heart, and hers was weighed in gold.

Souji pulled her flush against him then, making her gasp into his mouth as he ravaged hers. She pressed into him desperately while her hands slid up the planes of his chest and over his shoulders. Her nails trailed up the back of his neck, dragging a small shudder and a groan out of him.

He bit her lip in retaliation and grinned when she yelped. Shortly after he soothed over it with his tongue and left her lips, burning a hot, wet path down her neck, behind her ear.

Chizuru sighed. Her fingers slid through the ends of his hair. They stopped at the knot tying up half of it at the back of his head.

"Your hair…must be long," she said, despite being distracted by his wandering mouth nibbling on her ear.

"_Hmm_~. You like my hair?"

"I've never seen it loose," she said. Souji smirked further into her neck. It would be all too easy, with the way she sat in his lap, to push forward until she was flat on her back onto the tatami mats. _Not yet_.

He chuckled. "_Oh_? Does that mean you want to ravish me?"

She made an incredulous sound, and he didn't have to see her to know her face was getting very hot.

He sighed dramatically and rested his forehead on her shoulder. He couldn't fault her for being flustered. His Chizuru was no _oiran_.

"All right then, do what you want."

Chizuru huffed her annoyance. But he felt her fingers tentatively return to the tie holding his hair in place. It took her a moment, and his mouth twitched when she began to struggle with it. She obviously didn't want to hurt him by tugging too hard.

"Um…if you could just lean back a moment," she said. His hands gripped her hips to stop her from leaning away from him.

"Nope," he smirked. "I'm sure you can figure out something so simple."

She made another little sound of annoyance, and actually tugged sharply enough to make him wince.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Okita-san—"

"Haven't you got it yet? It shouldn't be all that hard."

Fortunately, Souji felt the tie come out before he had to let go of her to do it himself. He finally pulled back enough to watch, amused at her curiosity. His hair fell just a bit past his shoulders.

Chizuru reached out with one hand and tentatively brushed through his bangs first, then the rest of it with both hands. His eyes closed almost involuntarily at the feeling of her gentle fingers running through his hair, rubbing away the small ache in the back of his head where his hair was always tied up. Her thumbs brushed his cheeks, and his eyes opened in surprised when she leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss to his lips.

Souji gripped her small waist in his hands and closed what little space was left between them. He knew if he didn't leave soon, Shinpachi, Harada, and the others would get back to headquarters before him. If they caught him, he would have to explain where he'd been if he had actually left the Sumi. Harada already suspected enough.

"I'm the only one?" Souji said, practically a growl against her lips. _Only I get to hold you like this_.

It took Chizuru a moment to register what he said, and then understand what he meant. But when she did, she smiled and nodded.

"Yes, Okita-san," she said, quiet but firm.

Then, more hesitantly, "…_Always._"

He knew then that if he asked, she would stay with him. Not because it meant she would be a free woman, but because she was free to be with _him_.

Souji didn't know if he was ready for that, or if he even deserved it. Hell, he didn't even know if he _could_ take her from this place.

He wasn't one to think about the future. Being the First Division Captain of the Shinsengumi hadn't really allowed him that luxury. His life belonged to Kondou, after all.

_But maybe…_


	2. Part II: An Unpaid Debt

**Chapter Note: Slight AU, in which Chizuru is a normal human woman and Okita does not have tuberculosis. Also a play off of Okita's route in Zuisouroku, where Chizuru impersonates a geisha in order to help the Shinsengumi.**

* * *

**Sake Drops in Teacups**

* * *

**Part II: An Unpaid Debt**

Sen drummed her fingers on the hardwood desk beneath her.

"Does he mean to take Chizuru-chan away from us?" she asked.

Kimigiku considered from where she knelt on the floor.

"It's hard to say. A man like that…"

Sen nodded. She'd heard many stories about Okita Souji, First Division Captain of the Shinsengumi. She was smart enough to know that half of them were the baseless cries of his enemies, but many of them she entirely believed, and for good reason.

"She's started refusing all other private guests," Sen mused. Kimigiku smiled.

"He is certainly fond of her," she allowed. It needn't be said that Chizuru was smitten with him, however particular his personality.

"He lacks resolve," Sen pointed out. "I won't leave Chizuru-chan to a man like that so easily. Even if he survives this war…it will probably be difficult. Here, at least she's safe."

Kimigiku looked up at her mistress patiently. It wouldn't be the first time one of their girls found a patron willing to take their hand in marriage and pay their debts, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Yet she understood that her mistress cared for all of them.

She took their safety very seriously, and Chizuru in particular was a sweet girl who, for all her hard work and talents, perhaps didn't belong in Shimabara.

* * *

Chizuru swept Souji's hair out of his eyes. She returned his lazy grin with a shy smile. With his head pillowed on her lap, she settled into the brief lull in their conversation with a deep, contented breath. Sometimes she had a hard time believing that this was real.

His idly stroking her wrist served to remind her—he was here with her, because he wanted to be (she knew Souji well enough by now, he didn't do anything unless it suited him).

"_Ne_, Chizuru-chan," he said, drawing her attention.

"Hm?"

"When did you get here?"

She blinked at his question. "Eh? When?"

His smile turned wry.

"That's what I said."

"Oh...well, I suppose it's been a few years now," she replied. The memories were old, but it still made her heart ache to remember.

"My parents died when I was young, in a fire that consumed our home. My uncle," she couldn't stop the slight pause at the thought of him, "knew Sen-san through some mutual acquaintances. She agreed to let me stay here."

Souji's hand pressing on hers brought her back to the present. His thumb swept over the back of her hand.

"Why didn't that man take you in?" he asked. Her gaze edged away from his.

How many times had she asked herself that same question? Even then, she hadn't known her uncle well. But at the very least, they had been related by blood.

Chizuru smiled a little anyway. "Maybe he thought it would be easier for me here, to live with other women."

In any case, she was glad for it. _If not, I would have never met Okita-san_.

"It doesn't really matter, does it?"

This time, it was Souji's voice that brought her out of her thoughts. He looked pensive, his green eyes narrowed.

"What?" she asked.

"At the end of the day, family is just a bunch of strangers that happen to be there when you were born," he said. "They aren't people you chose."

He sounded curt, distant even, but the words themselves…they had to be his way of trying to comfort her.

Despite that coldness in his voice, she held his hand a little tighter.

"Yes," she nodded.

_Thank you, Okita-san…_

* * *

Souji made his way back to the compound late that afternoon. He should have been able to get there in time for his evening patrol, but while walking through the streets of Kyoto he found himself a bit distracted.

It was hard not to picture Chizuru's downcast face as she talked about her past. At the time he'd been annoyed to be reminded of his own; all too well he could see in his mind, the day his sister brought him to Shieikan Hall.

Souji shook his head to clear that away as Shinsengumi Headquarters came into view. His division wasn't gathered by the entrance yet, so he must have made even better time than he thought. He went to his room for his blue _haori_ and headgear.

"Did you have a relaxing afternoon?" Harada asked. He tossed Souji a grin from where he leaned against one of the building's support beams. Of all the people to catch him getting back, Harada was probably the worst option.

Souji held back his irritation to adopt his usual smirk.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Sano-san," he said smoothly. "I only went to mail a letter."

Harada's amber eyes were laughing. "For three hours?"

"If you _must _know, I stopped through the market on the way back. Can't have Hijikata-san giving me anymore extra chores." Souji made a convincing act of seeming annoyed (which wasn't all that hard while being forced to think of Hijikata).

"We really ought to find him a page," he mused.

Harada only sighed as amusement played on his face.

"So how_ is _Chizuru-chan today?" he asked.

Souji stayed quiet, but his mouth thinned with very real annoyance. Harada laughed.

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."

Souji ignored him in favor of adjusting his _haori_. His men were probably starting to gather for their patrol by now.

"Aw, come on. Don't be so sour," Harada cajoled.

Souji rolled his eyes. "Since when do you care what I do in my free time, Sano-san?"

"I don't. Not how you're thinking, anyway," Harada shook his head. "I'm just surprised. You're not usually one to get so serious."

Souji smiled sharply.

"Who says I'm serious?"

"You don't have to say it." Harada crossed his arms. Some of his good humor left though, as he considered it.

"You sure you know what you're doing?"

Souji was starting to get bored with this conversation.

"You're not very good at being cryptic, Sano-san. Maybe you should start saying what you mean."

"I _mean_, have you thought at all what happens to her if you do get serious?"

Honestly at this point, Souji didn't have time for one of Harada's philosophies on women. Before he could say as much, the man was already talking again.

"Let's say you get married. Do you plan on having her live _here_ in the compound, surrounded by men she doesn't know?" Harada pointed out. "What happens when this war gets on its way, and you have to leave her behind, like Kondou-san had to leave his wife and child behind in Edo?"

Souji didn't answer. He wouldn't admit it, but Harada's words were getting to him. Although he had been giving a _surprising _bit of thought to the future in recent weeks, he wasn't used to his problems being put in front of him that bluntly.

Harada must've guessed at some of his thoughts, because he relented with a companionable sigh.

"All I'm saying is, think it through."

* * *

_Something's wrong_.

Chizuru could feel it, like an unnerving tingle down her spine that wouldn't go away. She tried to explain as much to Kosuzu, but her friend had a knack for being incredibly caring as she was straightforward. She had been in Shimabara for far longer than Chizuru.

Both of them sat at a basin washing their clothes with several of the other young women of the Sumi.

"It's been a few weeks since Okita-san has visited, hasn't it?" Kosuzu said knowingly, without looking up from her washing.

An older girl shook her head. "You can't be so foolish."

"Men's desires change with the seasons. Why do you think geisha exist in the first place?" said another, "let this be a lesson to you."

"Please guard your heart, Chizuru-chan," Kosuzu said.

Chizuru looked away, frowning deeply. She knew most of them, in particular Kosuzu, were coming from a place of kindness. But she just couldn't take that as the truth.

_Okita-san_.

He hadn't forgotten about her. There had to be another reason. Maybe the incident at Aburano Koji had been more serious than he'd let on, or maybe it was something else. Something else that prevented him from coming to her.

Her heart ached at the possibility of him being hurt, more even, that she couldn't be there to help him if he was.

She wouldn't even entertain the thought of something worse.

As Chizuru dressed and slid delicate pins into her hair that evening, she realized that it was getting harder to bring herself to do so. She would never want to burden Sen, who had been kind enough to offer her a home, a livelihood and protection. But she could admit, at least to herself, that perhaps for the first time she was starting to want something for her life that was hers, and hers alone…however selfish that was.

After a deep sigh, Chizuru applied the rest of her makeup and went down to her first guest room of the night with Kosuzu. It was a large and boisterous party of men she actually recognized as regulars of the establishment. Like tonight, they were typically a loud bunch. She tried not to listen to their conversation as she made her rounds serving food and drink, but eventually something did catch her attention.

"Those miserable dogs finally got what was coming to 'em, far as I'm concerned," one man said. He'd been drinking nearly nonstop since their group had arrived. Their leader sat at the head of the room, far more reserved with his cup, and his dark eyes sharp and gleaming with satisfaction.

"If the Commander dies of his wounds, the Wolves of Mibu will crumble from within," he said.

"You will have cut the head off the snake, Katsura-san," said the one who sat beside him. Chizuru believed she'd heard him called _Murata-san_.

Katsura himself seemed to take pleasure from the idea. Meanwhile, Chizuru worked to keep the mounting horror off her face as she realized they had to be speaking of Kondou Isami, the kind man who in the few times she'd seen him, had worn a broad smile on his face and nothing but warm regard for his men. From the way Souji had talked about him, Chizuru knew he admired the man greatly.

Her legs shook a little as she kneeled down next to him. His gaze slid over to her and dragged slowly up to her face. His mouth curved upwards into a smirk.

"You're a young thing, aren't you?" he drawled.

If possible, Chizuru tensed even more than she already was. She was practiced enough to play it away into an only slightly nervous smile. She would have refilled his cup instead of answering, but she realized her _tokkuri _flask was empty.

"I will bring you all more to drink," she said, bowing low before she made her escape. She couldn't know that Kosuzu had been watching her with concern.

Chizuru let out a steadying breath as she stood outside the room. She would have to go back eventually, but for just a moment she lingered. Pieces of their conversation drifted through the thin _shoji_ panels, and she silently listened.

"_What if the Commander recovers?_" Murata said.

"_The wound was deep_," Katsura replied. "_If the blood loss won't do it, a fever likely will. There isn't much that can be done for a gunshot._"

Chizuru held a trembling hand over her mouth to keep from making any noise. She made her way to the kitchens as carefully and quickly as she could.

_What do I do? _

The thought rang over and over in her head as she prepared more sake. She couldn't leave the Sumi to warn anyone, and even if she could send a message that these men were here, would it get there in time? Probably not.

_But I have to try_.

Steeling herself, Chizuru left her task to find her mistress.

She soon wished that she hadn't.

Sen was apologetic, but firm. "I'm sorry, Chizuru-chan. I can't allow it."

Chizuru's eyes widened as they burned with tears of frustration. She forced them back for the moment and glanced over at Kimigiku, who kneeled beside her. The geisha said nothing.

"Sen-san…I—"

"I know this is important to you, but consider what happens here if the Shinsengumi meet those Choshu men now," Sen continued. "It would be impossible to contain the bloodshed, and not only will it disrupt our business, it will put all of us in danger."

Chizuru bowed low, touching her forehead to her hands on the floor.

"Sen-san, I…I understand what you're saying…but-but these men have done a heinous crime."

Sen nodded. "After they have gone, I will send your missive out to Shinsengumi headquarters in Fudodo Village. For now, _these men_ are our guests. You should go back to attending them."

Chizuru wanted to refuse. For the first time, she considered going against her mistress's wishes…but ultimately, she just couldn't.

Wiping carefully at her face so her makeup would be preserved, she bowed again and quickly fled the room.

With a sigh, Sen opened her fan to somewhat hide herself as she frowned.

"Am I being unfair?" she asked.

Kimigiku tilted her head. "Is that how you feel?"

Sen chuckled humorlessly.

"I'm not sure anymore."

* * *

Souji wasn't particularly good at making tea, but Kondou didn't seem to mind. He was finally able to sit up in bed, and he held the steaming cup as if it were filled with the answer to all of life's questions.

Kondo looked over at him with concern. "_Ne_, Souji, you look a bit pale. Have you been getting enough sleep?"

Souji looked back at him in surprise. Then his shoulders sank with a small smile. Of course the man would ask him if _he _was all right.

"Yes, Kondou-san. You don't have to worry about me."

Kondou nodded, smiling warmly. "Ah, perhaps not. Toshi told me about the message we received from Geisha-san…ah, forgive me, what was her name?"

Souji frowned instinctively. He'd informed Hijikata about the note, but with the understanding that no one else needed to know who it had come from. A pang of guilt pricked at his chest.

"Ah, yes. I believe it was Chizuru-san?" Kondou asked. Souji nodded minimally.

"Hmm. She must indeed be fond of you, Souji. It's no small thing, to report on dangerous men like that."

Silently, Souji agreed that what she did was dangerous. Stupid even. But he shouldn't have been so surprised as he had, to know after months that he hadn't returned, she still hadn't forgotten him.

_Maybe she still had faith in him._

"Souji. You will one day become…no, you _are_ the Fifth Suzerain of the Tennen Rishin style," Kondou said, taking him out of his thoughts.

This was nothing new though. Souji knew that Kondou chose him as his successor, the _fifth-generation master_ _of Tennen Rishin_ _Ryu_. He just wasn't prepared to take on the responsibilities of that honor yet. Not until Kondou was a very old man who could no longer hold a sword.

Kondou's smile became somewhat amused.

"I had wanted to set you up with a nice girl from a good family," he said, "_But_, if a no-name farmer from Edo can become Commander of the Shinsengumi, then a young man of samurai birth can certainly choose his wife for himself."

It was one of those rare times when Souji didn't know what to say, or even what to do. Recently, his answer to that particular problem had been to do nothing—at least, until he could find a better answer. He'd been thinking about what Harada said that day, and it had stopped him from returning to Shimabara.

He was a sword, more than willing to give his life for Kondou and his goals for the Shinsengumi. Where would a girl like Chizuru fit into that, if he were to die fighting?

* * *

Her legs grew weak with relief when Kimigiku informed her who was requesting her so early in the afternoon. She forced herself to get a grip though. She quickly made her way into the room.

"Chizuru-chan, it's good to see you're doing well," Harada greeted. Shinpachi was smiling just as broadly as she felt.

"Those Choshu punks haven't hastled ya, have they?" Shinpachi asked.

Chizuru smiled and shook her head. "No, but I'm also relieved to see you both are well…can I ask how Kondou-san is recovering?"

She was tempted to ask about Souji as well, but she didn't want to seem so very desperate. Knowing he had accepted and read her message was enough.

"He's doing much better. His arm is healing little by little and he can stay awake for longer periods of time," Harada said. "Thank you for sending that note, by the way. It's good to know they haven't ditched town and we may still be able to catch them."

Chizuru looked down at her folded hands in her lap. She didn't deserve their thanks.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to get word to you sooner," she said softly.

"Ah, don't worry 'bout it. You probably did the best you could," Shinpachi said. Harada shot him a peeved look, before he smiled at her.

"We _know_ you did," he said.

It only served to make her feel even guiltier. The sheer weight of it made her chest tight and her throat close up with emotion. Chizuru had figured out the reason why Souji hadn't come back; he'd probably realized, as she had, that someone like her had very little to offer a man like him.

Now, she felt more useless than ever.

"The next time," she said, finally earning the courage to look up at Harada and Shinpachi in the eyes.

"Next time," she repeated, with more resolve, "if they return, it won't be too late. I promise."

Harada and Shinpachi shared a look of surprise, but the former found his voice first as he quirked a wry grin.

"That's pretty serious of you. Just please be careful, Chizuru-chan."

* * *

They didn't stay long. Not as long as usual, anyway. Tensions were still a bit high, they said, but they'd been given permission to bring what news they could.

If they had only stayed a few hours longer, Chizuru wouldn't have found herself in her current predicament.

Once again, she sat beside Katsura of the Choshu domain. She itched to get up and send word, _the men who attacked Kondou-san were back, and they were here_.

She had to wait until she could formulate an appropriate excuse, but Akane, the young _maiko _apprentice with her, had brought more than enough food and drink to last for half the night.

"_Those bastards_. They have the devil's luck, that's all," said the one who often drank too much. She'd heard him called Harashi.

"Perhaps not for long," Murata said. "It shouldn't take long for the rest of the preparations to be in place."

_What preparations? _Chizuru thought desperately. Would they try to attack the Shinsengumi directly this time?

Suddenly Katsura glanced over at her, that unsettling grin of his making her skin crawl.

"You usually don't need a reminder to keep my cup filled."

"O-Of course, Katsura-han. Please excuse my forgetfulness," she apologized and immediately poured a generous amount of sake. Thank goodness she didn't spill any with how frazzled her nerves were.

She must not have hid it well enough though, because Katsura's scrutiny didn't end there. His eyes raked her like he could read her mind.

"I'm sorry, Geisha-san. Does our talk of violence make you nervous?" he asked.

Chizuru heard something metallic, and realized Katsura had shifted away from her in order to slowly draw the katana from his scabbard. She couldn't help but run her gaze along the sheer length of it as apprehension began to prickle at her spine.

Akane quietly gasped behind her. Chizuru hoped she would slip out and find Kosuzu, or better yet, Kimigiku or Sen. She didn't know if she could diffuse this situation by herself.

Harashi and some of the others sneered at her obvious fear, but others like Murata, seemed dispassionate. Katsura's face neared hers, too much, and she leaned back.

He sneered. "Perhaps you sympathize with a den of rabid dogs, who mindlessly heed the whims of the Shogunate."

Chizuru's lips pursed. She held incredibly still as he brought the blade level to her neck, in the space between her shoulder and her ear. His dark eyes were baiting her, daring her to answer. But she would no longer be a coward, no matter what happened next.

"They…they are no more mindless than men like you can be called samurai," she said. "The Shinsengumi fight to protect the people who suffer during these turbulent times...Katsura-han, what do you fight for?"

She watched the shock flicker across his face, then hot anger. The hand on his sword tensed, but in the next moment she felt the blade whir past her face and _cut_ the air in front of her—Katsura choked on his breath as he was yanked backwards.

Someone called out, plates shattered, men were shouting.

Chizuru was frozen. She could only follow with her eyes as a familiar sword slashed a bloody arc through each of its opponents. Murata's heavy body fell beside her and jolted her back into consciousness.

Blinking rapidly, she managed to notice Katsura's black and empty irises peering back at her a foot away, with his neck open and gaping red. Then her vision was filled with deep green.

Souji was standing in front of her, covered in blood that wasn't his own as his sword dripped with it. While staring into his eyes, she finally registered that he was calling her name.

"_E-Eh?_"

He sighed. Flicking the blood from his sword, he re-sheathed it smoothly before he went down on one knee and grabbed her hand.

"Come on," he prodded. When she still remained unresponsive, she began to see the cold detachment leaking away from his face.

"O-Okita-san?" Chizuru winced at the sound of her own voice, coarse and frail. She flinched as the back of his hand brushed her cheek. He pulled back just as sharply and hesitated, before looking away from her. He was frowning, angry. At her?

She touched her face and realized she had been crying. She still was, in fact. But she pushed that thought away in order to shakily get up onto her feet. "Okita-san!"

Souji turned to grab her as she lost her balance. She held onto him and turned her face up to his, pleading with words she couldn't say. _Please don't go!_

Whatever he read in her eyes, it must have been enough. At once he tucked her in his arms and held her tight against him. Her fingers wrapped into his kimono at his back as she clung to him with whatever strength she had. She felt his lips on the top of her head, and he sighed into her hair.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

Chizuru found it hard to pay attention with his heartbeat under her ear, but she shook her head. Souji's grip on her tightened.

"Why did you _do_ that?" he demanded angrily. "Why would you—"

"Because!" Chizuru buried her face in his chest. Dimly she knew she was shaking like a leaf; regardless of the death that now surrounded her, Souji had saved her. Later she would probably be forced to contemplate how easy it was for him to slaughter an entire room of men, but for now, she could hardly stand the thought of letting him go now that he was here.

Eventually, she felt his body lose it's tension. One of his hands ran down her back soothingly.

"Okay. Come on then," Souji said.

He pulled away slowly and took her hand. He led her out of the disaster that was the guest room and into the hall, where Kimigiku was already standing outside the door, her expression unreadable.

"This way," she said, and turned on her heel.

Geisha and _oiran_ alike peered out of rooms and whispered to one another when they went by. Souji ignored them, but Chizuru ducked her head with embarrassment as she followed him up the stairs.

Once they reached the mistress's quarters, Kimigiku bowed before Sen. Chizuru tried to as well, but Souji wouldn't let go of her hand.

She sent him a searching look. He only frowned and tightened his hold.

Sen coolly met his stare.

"I see you've come back to cause trouble for me," she snipped. He smirked back.

"I'm here for Chizuru-chan."

He said it so simply, but it still made Chizuru's heart pound. _He couldn't mean…_

"I see," Sen said flatly. "And what if I'm not ready to part with her?"

Souji's smirk turned a bit wolfish.

Chizuru murmured a worried, "Okita-san."

His eyes then slid over to hers.

_Trust me,_ he seemed to say.

"Let's say I allow it," Sen began. That startled Chizuru, who looked up at Sen with wide-eyed hope.

Sen gave her a soft smile. "Chizuru is a treasured person here, my precious friend. How will you repay me?"

Souji hesitated for a moment, before he rolled his eyes. He took a hefty pouch from his belt and tossed it at Sen's feet. Chizuru gaped.

All that money, it had to have been years of his wages from the Shinsengumi.

"Will that cover it?" he drawled. Sen huffed, but didn't even reach down for it.

"I suppose it'll have to."

* * *

He'd waited somewhat patiently for her to change into a much simpler kimono and wash most of the makeup from her face. She gathered up her meager belongings while he looked around the room she shared with Kosuzu (she would have to say goodbye before she left!).

Chizuru glanced over at him and saw him holding a round decorative box.

"Oh, don't—!"

Souji was already grinning when he looked back up at her. Of course he'd opened it, and a few paper sakura blossoms fell to the floor. One for each time Kosuzu had left a sign for Souji that Chizuru had prepared their private room, so they could see one another.

She blushed fiercely and turned back to packing her clothes.

"P-Please don't lose any."

"Hmm~? You saved mementos of me, _Chizuru?_"

Soon enough she was following him out of the Sumi, for the first and the last time. He carried her small collection of things in a bag for her, and she walked a little ways behind him. Just as they were about to reach the boundary of the Shimabara district, it finally hit her that she was leaving. From all the death and blood she'd seen tonight, and would probably continue to haunt her dreams for nights to come, the single thought that rose above it all was that Souji had come claim her.

"Okita-san," she said, stopping in the road. He turned back to her.

"W-Why…" Chizuru felt the tears as they came, but only wiped at them half-heartedly.

"All that money…how could you—?"

Souji sighed and reached out to her. His fingers brushed through her hair, which was loose and free of any pins or complicated knots. He stared down at her with warmth and a knowing grin.

Souji leaned down and kissed her, first tenderly, then with a fierce urgency that made her almost feel dizzy. Eventually he pulled away enough to press a softer kiss to her forehead.

"You think I care about money?" he teased. She looked away from him, blushing. His fingers under her chin brought her back to his face, straight into his eyes that were serious again.

"You never know. I might've given her my sword, if she'd asked for it," he said, in a tone that was deceptively light.

Shock made Chizuru silent.

"Because of you, I was able to avenge Kondou-san," Souji said. His gaze drifted past her, over her head.

"So now I'm going to grant your wish…you don't have to come with me if you don't want to," he told her. "I don't have a home outside of the Shinsengumi. I…don't know if I'll have a future beyond this war. But you're free now."

For her, it wasn't even a question.

Chizuru held his hand in both of hers. When he looked down softly at her, she leaned up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. It was chaste, but also full of promise.

"Please allow me to stay with you," she asked, smiling brightly. _You are my home, Okita-san._

After a moment, he smiled back.

"Let's go home then."


	3. Part III: Living Arrangements

**AN: Sooo, I thought I was done with this, but apparently it's not done with me. **

**Chapter Note: Slight AU, in which Chizuru is a normal human woman and Okita does not have tuberculosis. Also a play off of Okita's route in Zuisouroku, where Chizuru impersonates a geisha in order to help the Shinsengumi. The quote below is from his route.**

* * *

**Sake Drops in Teacups**

* * *

**Part III: Living Arrangements**

Souji wanted to tell her that she didn't have to bow so low, but the suspect twitch above Hijikata's brow told him not to push his luck _just_ yet.

"I don't care if she has nowhere else to go," Hijikata all but shouted. "No way in hell can she stay here! What the fuck were you thinking?"

Despite Chizuru trembling beside him, her forehead still resting on her hands as they all knelt on the floor, Souji wasn't worried. He merely narrowed his eyes as they slid up to Hijikata's, a dangerous glint in them even as he smirked.

He wouldn't get off lightly for scaring her.

"Careful, Hijikata-san. That purple vein on your forehead is pulsing," he drawled. "You'll give yourself high blood pressure."

The older man's face was priceless. Before steam could start coming out of his ears, the shoji door behind him opened to a concerned Kondou, his wounded arm still in a sling. Gen followed closely as they both took in the heavy tension in the room.

"Toshi, what's…_Geisha-san_? Is that you?" Kondou took notice of Chizuru, who cautiously raised her head somewhat.

With a brief glance and an encouraging nod from Souji, she sat up and nervously flicked her gaze from Hijikata to Gen, and then to Kondou. It was hard, but Souji forced himself to keep his mouth shut. He had warned her what this would likely be. Then she'd given him that determined look, that one she got when she was at her most serious (it was admittedly, one of her cutest looks).

So he watched her gather her courage to finally give an answer.

"I…I'm so sorry for intruding," she started. "I know that my presence here is…well, I know that women don't belong in your headquarters. But Okita-san saved me from the men who tried to hurt you, Kondou-san. They tried to hurt the Shinsengumi, and I…in whatever small way, I wanted to help."

"And we're very grateful that you did," Kondou said. His smile was genuine, as it always was. "But let me understand. Is your master angry with you?"

Chizuru immediately shook her head. "N-No! Sen-san released me from my service, because…because Okita-san paid my debt in full."

Kondou and Gen shared a look of surprise. When Kondou looked to Hijikata, he confirmed that with a brusque nod. Souji couldn't help but be warmed by the wide smile Kondou graced him with then, even though there was some humor playing there. "Ah, Souji. You did, didn't you?"

"Yes," Souji said simply. He watched Chizuru with a grin as she ducked her head, covering a small smile.

"And now you need a place to stay…oh! Forgive me, I don't even know your real name," Kondou turned to her kindly. Blushing a little, her large brown eyes were wide with realization. She bowed again politely.

"My name is…my _real _name, is Yukimura Chizuru. It's a pleasure to meet you all properly."

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Yukimura-san," Kondou said. "But I'm afraid our headquarters isn't a very suitable place for a young woman. I must ask, do you have any family that might take you in?"

She was hesitant about it, but she revealed the same story she'd told Souji about her past; the fire, her lost parents, and the uncle that had left her to the women of the Sumiya.

He could tell that even Hijikata, stoic as he seemed, was listening with rapt attention. For such a small woman, she had that way about her. Chizuru's voice was soft, but sincere, with none of her emotions held back.

By the end, Kondou was completely won over by her earnestness. Just like Souji knew he would be.

"I understand," Kondou's voice was grave, "I'm very sorry for your loss, Yukimura-san."

"Not at all," Chizuru said honestly, though she looked down at her folded hands resting in her lap.

"These times have been hard on us all," Gen said, his face just as sympathetic.

Kondou agreed. "I'm sure we can figure out something, right Toshi?"

Hijikata's expression became both knowing and long-suffering.

"We don't have the space for—"

"Oh, that's not a problem," Souji cut in. His grin seamlessly changed into a deceptively innocent one as he looked over at Chizuru. "I don't mind sharing my quarters."

Her eyes widened again, and he was rewarded with another pretty blush that spread to the tips of her ears once she understood his meaning. From Gen and Hijikata's frowns, it seemed no one else believed his little charade either. Though it did earn a slightly nervous laugh from Kondou.

"_Souji_," Hijikata growled in irritation. The vein was back, full force.

Kondou cleared his throat.

"_Mah_, _mah_, it's only appropriate that Yukimura-san have a private room," he nodded firmly. "We can adjust for the time being, at least until I can properly make the arrangements at the shrine."

Souji's smirk evaporated at that. Chizuru's head also whipped toward the Commander as she stared in shock. _Ah, she heard that too, huh?_

Souji schooled his features into a more neutral expression, but he still had to swallow a lump in his throat that suspiciously felt like nerves. "A shrine, Kondou-san?"

The man blinked at him, then he smiled like a proud father would. "Why, yes! I must confess, I always prayed this day would come, Souji-kun. And now that you're a man, I'm honored to be able to do this one last thing for you."

Kondou leaned forward and touched Souji's shoulder with affection, but he also turned his gaze to Chizuru, who by now was surely in danger of passing out. If he weren't so out of sorts himself, Souji might've tried to steady her.

"I can see he's chosen well, Yukimura-san," Kondou said. "You will certainly make a beautiful bride."

* * *

Hijikata-san sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "Are you happy now? Until this is over, she won't be able to leave the compound without supervision. It will be _your _responsibility to watch over her, and you'd better not let any of your duties slip in the meantime. Is that clear?"

"Until what's over, Hijikata-san? Is there something you know that I don't?" Souji's tone conveyed how unlikely he found that to be. Hijikata glared back at him.

"You know very well what I'm saying," he growled. "Until these ridiculous _living arrangements_ are solved, and we can find a place for her—"

Souji's eyes were sharp. "Her _place_ isn't your concern."

"No, it shouldn't be," Hijikata said tersely, "but you've now made it my concern."

Souji leaned against one of the temple's support beams. They stood outside Chizuru's new room—a storage space they'd temporarily converted. It had already been late when they arrived back from Shimabara, but now the sun was close to rising, just starting to peek out from behind dark violet clouds.

Truth be told, he was _tired_.

Hijikata had forced him to change his bloody clothes long ago, but he could still smell the scent of death and blood clinging to his body. And now that the whole matter was settled, the events of the night were catching up with him.

"Are you done? All your yapping is giving me a headache."

Hijikata must've seen something of his thoughts on his face, because for once, he didn't bitch back at him.

He just sighed. "Do you even know what you're doing?"

"Maybe," Souji's grin was all teeth. He was satisfied by the way Hijikata's vein twitched again. Maybe it was fatigue, or the chance that he hadn't quite finished processing Kondou's future plans for him, but the words came out of his mouth regardless.

"I only know this feels right," he said. Hijikata crossed his arms as well then, releasing another deep sigh of exasperation.

"_Tch_, it's a wonder I don't have ulcers, thanks to you," he said. But as his eyes traveled from the room to Souji again, they softened, just barely. "Get some rest. First Division has patrol at noon. No excuses."

"_Hai, hai_," Souji intoned.

And yet, Hijikata didn't take his leave first. It left a tense silence between them, until Souji finally raised an expectant brow. "Waiting for something?"

Hijikata glowered, pointedly glancing toward the room where a young woman slept.

"I don't care how you spent your time in that place, _I don't want to know_," he said flatly."But here is a different matter. I'm not leaving until you're back in your room, so I suggest you move your ass."

Souji rolled his eyes. "Hmph. Once again, Hijikata-san acts too much like a mother hen while sticking his nose where it doesn't belong."

"What was that?" he snapped. But Souji was already well on his way to his room. He tossed the Vice-Commander a smirk over his shoulder.

"Pleasant dreams, _Hijikata-san_."

He could hear the other man huffing behind him, but it wasn't long until he heard footsteps falling in the other direction.

Souji did eventually make his way to his room, but instead of turning in for the night like his tired body was demanding, he decided to take one last detour.

* * *

Sleep was eluding her.

Though she'd brought what she could of her own clothes and had dressed for bed, exhausted though she was from such a long night, Chizuru couldn't let her mind drift off. Not when Souji and Hijikata had been arguing just outside her door. She felt guilty that she was causing so much trouble, and not just for Souji.

_For everyone here_. She pulled the blanket up to her chin. Her lips pulled down into a frown while her brows furrowed at the thought. She had only ever wanted to ease his burden, not add to it.

Suddenly, Katsura-san's lifeless eyes flashed in her mind. Murata's open throat. Blood that puddled all around her and stained her skin.

Chizuru shuddered. That was, admittedly, another reason she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes. Those men had been the enemy, and they had done (_and would've done_) vile things. And if Souji hadn't been there…

Perhaps this is what Sen feared, that she wouldn't belong in Souji's world.

Chizuru sat up with a deep sigh. She hated this feeling.

Being useless.

"_Having trouble sleeping?_"

The voice was rich velvet in her ear, and she jumped with a loud squeak. It was only half-smothered by her hands as she covered her mouth.

Her head turned so fast, she nearly rammed Souji in the nose. He leaned back with ease. He greeted her with his signature smirk, an amused and darkened gleam in his eyes as they took her in.

Chizuru followed his gaze in confusion, until she blushed wildly noticing her own state of dress. Or rather _undress_. She was only wearing a thin yukata and it was as exposed in front of him as she'd been in…a very long time.

Chizuru yelped and immediately reached for the blanket in her lap to cover herself. Chuckling, he trailed one of his hands through the loose strands of her hair.

Her instincts warred with hiding under the blankets and wanting to preen under his touch. She remembered it, the warmth and intimacy of it, and she was embarrassed to realize that she craved it again, more than anything. From the look in his eyes, it almost seemed like he knew what she was thinking.

But she shook her head to clear away those thoughts for now. She had only just gotten here, and more importantly, Commander Kondou and Hijikata weren't treating her as a mere geisha. They were treating her with the dignity and propriety of a respectable woman. That was something Chizuru thought she'd lost the day she arrived in Kyoto.

Again, her thoughts returned to Hijikata's many warnings to Souji as they'd been arguing.

"Why are you still awake? Too busy thinking about me?" Souji teased. Chizuru felt her cheeks warm even more, if that were even possible.

"W-What are you doing here?" she stammered.

"I asked you first," he pointed out, twisting a strand of her hair around his finger. He let it unfurl and rest against her reddened cheek. "Are you uncomfortable here? I know it's kinda cramped and small."

Chizuru shook her head. At the Sumi, she'd happily shared a room with Kosuzu. After leaving her home and everything she knew in Edo, it had been comforting, not to sleep alone. To find a friend she could count on.

Chizuru would have to write to her soon.

"Not at all! I haven't had my own room in a long time," she said. Shyly, she bowed her head. "I'm very grateful for everything you all are doing for me."

Her hands twisted nervously in her lap. Souji's fingers gently grasping her chin forced her to meet his amused green gaze. But he also looked tired, she thought. There was fatigue in his eyes, pulling at his features. She knew he had to be as tired as she was, if not more so.

"_Hmm~_," he grinned, somewhat knowingly, "is there something else?"

Chizuru looked down again, this time easing away from his hands.

"Okita-san…if I'm causing trouble for you, I can—"

"You can what," he snorted derisively. "Leave? And go where?"

Her fingers played with the hem of the blanket. "I'm sure Sen would understand if…if…"

When she finally chanced raising her head to look at him, maybe she shouldn't have been so surprised to see him frowning, his green eyes hard.

"After everything I went through? A damn rimming from Hijikata-san included." Souji's light tone was deceiving. His hand gripped her chin more firmly as he leaned in, impossibly close to her face. She flushed warmly at his proximity, making him smirk. If nothing else, it lightened his expression somewhat.

"Not a chance, _Chizuru-chan_." His thumb brushed her cheek, even as she squirmed nervously in his grip. "I plan to keep you. All to myself."

"But I—"

"Do you honestly want to go back?" Souji challenged. "I should just tell Kondou-san not to bother then."

Chizuru's eyes widened. The breath escaped her lungs in that moment, as she stared deeply into his eyes. It was a unique kind of torture to think about leaving him, let alone being sent away by him.

Finally, her gaze fell. She shook her head, and held his hand against her still blushing face. She was only slightly startled by his lips pressed to the top of her head.

"That's what I thought."

Then his touch was gone.

Chizuru looked up curiously, just in time to see him getting up to his feet.

"What?" He grinned slyly. "I thought a modest, _unmarried_ woman wasn't supposed to have scandalous night visitors. And I'm nothing if not a gentleman."

She couldn't help it. A small giggle fell from her lips and she covered it in vain with her hand. It earned a smile of mock warning from him.

"Good night, Okita-san," she said, smiling with affection. His eyes softened again, just a little. But he only nodded and ducked out of her room.

The shoji door now shut behind him, Chizuru hesitantly laid back down in her futon. Sleep still wouldn't come for a while yet; her mind was swimming with other thoughts that almost made her feel dizzy.

She'd long harbored a dream. A simple one maybe, but it had always seemed like spring leaves on the wind, falling through her fingers.

It didn't seem like that anymore.

* * *

Souji stared at the ceiling in his room with a tired sigh. A slow grin curved his lips.

_Hm. Yukimura Chizuru, huh?_

He hadn't even known her last name before tonight. Now Kondou was making _arrangements_.

The thought made him nervous and overtook his grin. Is that what he wanted? To be tied down to one person who wasn't Kondou, who would probably end up being a _distraction_, as Hijikata had put it.

He couldn't give her stability, or a real home. For all he knew, he would die tomorrow, and Souji thought he'd made peace with that fact a long time ago. He was a sword that would happily kill anyone who stood in Kondou's path.

But Chizuru made him forget, sometimes.

Souji's thoughts drifted back what happened at the Sumi, how his blood had boiled to see a blade at her throat. She'd been terrified, and at the mercy of a man who hurt Kondou already. It would've only taken a second longer, and she would've just been…gone.

His hands shook afterwards. He'd touched her face that was flecked with blood that wasn't hers, but all to easily could have been. He wasn't used to that feeling, being consumed by so many different things at once. Rage, worry, relief, and something more…

"_Please allow me to stay with you." Her smile was bright, and more beautiful than anything._

Souji still didn't know what to do. He only knew that he was incredibly selfish, and yet he couldn't help it. He wanted to give her what she wanted, even though it might cause her pain in the end.

_She deserves this, at least._

Blowing out a breath of exasperation, he covered his eyes with a hand as a rueful grin replaced his frown.

_I'm so fucked._


	4. Part IV: Cold Feet

**AN: I don't know where these chapters keep coming from, I swear.**

**Chapter Note: Slight AU, in which Chizuru is a normal human woman and Okita does not have tuberculosis. Also a play off of Okita's route in Zuisouroku, where Chizuru impersonates a geisha in order to help the Shinsengumi.**

* * *

**Sake Drops in Teacups**

* * *

**Part IV: Cold Feet**

Chizuru wasn't sure how she did it, but she managed to find the kitchens without anyone spotting her.

It was early morning after her arrival to the Shinsengumi headquarters, and she had barely been able to sleep at all in the precious few hours before morning broke. She'd dressed for the day in a simple yellow kimono, one of the few pieces of clothing she owned. But since no one had come to get her, and no one seemed to be around, she had to wonder.

_What should I do while I'm here?_

* * *

"A woman in the compound will be distracting to the men," Sannan said, though he wore somewhat of a resigned smile.

"Might make 'em a bit more lively, but…" Shinpachi glanced at Souji, who sat leaning against the wall with his sword propped against his leg. His smirk was lazy, but his eyes were still sharp.

"I don't think it'll be a problem," Souji said simply.

Harada's brow rose in amusement. "Not for your sword, anyway."

"We don't need any more challenges in recruiting new men," Hijikata said flatly. "You better hope no one forgets who she is, or there'll be hell to pay, Souji."

"I pity the man that does," Harada remarked.

Ignoring Hijikata, Souji turned his grin on Saito, who remained his typical reserved self.

"Have anything to add, Hajime-kun?" he asked lightly. Though by the look in the stoic man's eyes, he knew what Souji was really asking. _Will you tell me it's a bad idea too?_

"Regardless of what I may think, you've already made up your mind," Saito said. His expression didn't change much, but Souji noticed the slightly rueful gleam in his eyes.

Souji smirked. Good ol' _Hajime-kun_.

Their impromptu meeting broke up soon afterward, when Harada pointed out that Heisuke (late sleeper that he was) would probably be complaining about breakfast soon. Shinpachi lamented on cue, that his stomach was already growling.

It was Saito and Harada's day, but even Souji got curious when he heard Harada's surprised voice carrying on from the kitchens.

"What's going on—" Souji couldn't help his own surprise.

Chizuru wiped her hands on a washcloth and met him with a beaming smile. She tucked her hands together and bowed, a pretty blush staining her cheeks. "Good morning, Okita-san."

She'd obviously been busy. Even now there was a large pot of stew simmering, rice cooking, and sides of vegetables prepared. It did smell more delicious than anything the guys could concoct.

Harada shot him a look, crossed between amused and suspicious. "You didn't put her up to this, did you?"

Okita sent him a bland smile in response. Saito only peered at the bowl of tofu she'd set aside with interest.

"Forgive me for being so presumptuous," Chizuru spoke up again. She held her hands in front of her, ducking her head sheepishly. "I just wanted to do something...useful."

"Oi, what smells so good in here?" Shinpachi peeked his head in, smiling when he saw his friends, and wider still to see Chizuru.

"I heard you were gunna be staying here, Chizuru-chan. _Oooh_, did you cook for us?"

Shinpachi started bulldozing his way in before Chizuru could even respond, but Harada stopped him.

"All right, it's too crowded in here. Let's let Souji help her with the rest then," he said.

"Isn't it technically your day for kitchen duty?" Souji remarked. He didn't like people volunteering him for things, though he wasn't particularly bothered by it this time. Even when Harada shot him a knowing smile he wasn't altogether happy about.

Smiling slightly, Saito followed them after Harada pushed Shinpachi out of the kitchen.

Souji finally turned to Chizuru, who was already preparing trays with bowls and things for serving. She'd even boiled the tea. Her small, dainty hands moved deftly, and though she hadn't had _all_ the natural talents of a geisha, it was clear she was very good at this.

It reminded him of that day.

* * *

_"Ah…yes, I can make tea."_

_"I guess that means you cook for yourself too."_

_"Of course," she said. Suspicion crept into her gaze as she frowned. She had to be wondering what he was on about._

_"Would you cook for me?" he hedged. "Anything I wanted? I have a feeling you would spoil me."_

* * *

In his imagination, she hadn't been cooking for all the Shinsengumi captains. Actually, Souji had the sudden urge to trap her where she stood against the counter and let the _rest _of that little fantasy of his play out.

Instead, he stood close behind her. Chizuru was so lost in her task that she'd forgotten about him. He smirked devilishly and leaned in, just next to her ear.

"_Chizuru-chan_.~"

She jumped with a loud yelp. Luckily for her, she managed not to knock anything over. She aimed a disgruntled look at him over her shoulder, but the moment she locked eyes with his gleaming ones, the protest died on her tongue.

"I think like it when you're presumptuous." His voice was like velvet, a secret just for her ears only. She shivered, making him smirk wider as she blushed. She tried at a smile that was just a bit nervous.

"Would you like to help?" she asked.

Not really, she seemed to have things in hand. And he liked watching her do something she clearly enjoyed. But if she insisted.

"Where do you want me?" he teased. His lips were a whisper away from the shell of her ear. Her breath hitched, and she tried not to look at him. Souji didn't touch her, though he _really_ wanted to. He settled for moving her hair away from her neck, damp with sweat from all the heat in the kitchen. He thought it was weird that she didn't have it pinned up.

Chizuru cleared her throat. She tried taking a step back, but that only pushed her back straight into his chest. He could see the bright flush spreading down her neck. "I-If you could just…"

"_Hmm?~_"

"Help me with…with setting the trays?"

"Sure thing."

Souji stepped away from her suddenly, and with ease. Well, to her it might've seemed that way, but it actually took some effort to force himself away and do something productive. Any longer and he was sure one of the guys would come barging in, complaining that the food wasn't out yet.

He helped Chizuru bring out everything she'd prepared, handing her utensils and bowls when she needed them. Though he didn't really like the days when it was his turn for kitchen duty, it was worth it enough to see the little grateful smile she would give him as he helped her. He could tell that she was enjoying herself, but if he were more honest, it was probably that she was enjoying doing something as simple as this…with him.

_Damn it. Since when did I get to be such a sap? _he wondered ruefully.

Hijikata wasn't particularly happy that Chizuru had supplanted Harada and Saito out of their responsibilities, but despite how Souji often teased him, the man wasn't dumb. It was something she could do, _while she's here_, as he'd said. Souji had snorted to himself.

Where else was she going to go?

It went on like that for a while. She cooked their meals and washed after herself, and cleaned their dishes too. Rarely did she let them help either. Only if Souji teased her into a frenzy, did she finally give in. There was a real stubborn streak hidden under that soft demeanor.

When they left the headquarters for supplies and ingredients, she would give them tips about what to bring back from town. When Shinpachi scored a rip in his haori, Chizuru mended it for him, almost as if it had never been torn in the first place. Little by little, she was finding ways to be useful, and Souji was beginning to notice how resourceful she was. There were a lot of things he was starting to notice about Yukimura Chizuru.

He knew why she was trying so hard, and it was endearing as it was somewhat…annoying for him. If she was supposed to be a normal girl now, why was she forced to cater to a bunch of men, all of them dangerous (including himself)? She couldn't leave the compound without permission, and she couldn't exactly wander around that much. But there was only so much he could do for her.

Had she just traded one cage for another?

* * *

After two weeks, Chizuru was finally starting to feel like she was doing _something_. Something that mattered. The captains seemed to like her food (even Hijikata hadn't seemed so dour after the first time he'd tried the stew she made).

Luckily, many men in the Shinsengumi had been going to Shimabara for a long time. The captains she knew fairly well—Harada, Shinpachi, and Heisuke had been the most constant patrons. Though she was noticing that even Saito, though a quieter man, had interesting thoughts and insights. She got the feeling he was a deep thinker, and just as fiercely loyal as any of them.

The thing was, as Harada had made sure to point out to her (without being in Souji's range of hearing), there were other men in the troop that recognized her face, if not _who_ she was. There was a good chance she'd attract attention without meaning to, and not the kind of attention she wanted from anyone else. She understood that, better than most.

But one day, as she was washing up some laundry, a young man stood in front of her as she knelt at the wash bucket.

"Well hello again, Chizuru-chan."

She blinked up at him curiously. He looked vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place his face.

"Good afternoon. Can I help you?"

The young man chuckled and squatted so that they were on eye-level. "I knew it was you. Same pretty face."

She had to lean away from him as his eyes roamed over her. There was something about him that she remembered.

"Oh! Aren't you a member of Okita-san's unit?"

He smiled slightly, acknowledging that fact with a nod. He straightened then, offering her a playful bow and a wink. "Yatsudora Kenta. I'm hurt you don't remember me, Chizuru-chan."

The way her name rolled off his tongue made her a bit nervous. She recognized the flirtatiousness of his tone, but not what he aimed to do in the middle of the temple in broad daylight. Her eyes shifted to her surroundings, seeing if she could spot any one of the captains. If she remembered right, Eighth and Tenth Divisions were out on patrol today.

"You don't have to look so nervous," Yatsudora laughed. His attractive brown eyes glittered with humor, which she suddenly remembered earned many of her friends' attentions at the Sumiya. To her, they had a similar gleam as Katsura's had. "I just wanted to say hi. Heard Okita brought you here."

"Yes," Chizuru said eventually. She really wanted to get back to the laundry. If she didn't finish soon, it would put her behind schedule on other chores.

"I thought, since you'll be here for a while, that we could reacquaint ourselves," he said, with an air of nonchalance. But he took her wrist when she tried to deny him her hand, and forced her to stand along with him. His eyes peered into hers. "Can't we be friends, Chizuru-chan? I doubt Okita would mind _sharing_—"

Yatsudora yelped as he was nearly choked at the collar, yanked back several steps until he stumbled to the ground.

Framed with the bright noon sun behind him, at first, Chizuru didn't recognize him until he spoke.

"Yatsudora, I believe your division is supposed to be in training," Saito said. His tone was flat, as usual, but his blue eyes were biting cold. The younger man looked like he wanted to protest, but when Saito rested his hand on the hilt of his blade, Yatsudora's wits seemed to return to him. He scrambled to his feet, mollified, though his eyes showed his irritation.

"Yes, Captain."

"If you can't perform your duty, then be prepared for the consequences next time," Saito said. His hand tightened almost imperceptibly on the sword. Yatsudora paled. Bowing deeply, he then stalked off in the opposite direction and back to the training hall.

After a beat of tense silence, Chizuru bowed her head low.

"I-I'm sorry, Saito-san," she said nervously. "I should've—"

"It's for eventualities such as these that we cautioned Souji against this," he said. It was neither kind nor cruel, but it hit Chizuru like a slap all the same.

"While it isn't necessarily your fault, these are the effects of his choice. Be mindful in the future, and more vigilant," he cautioned. She nodded vigorously, apologizing again.

"Apologizing is unnecessary." Saito paused, his eyes flicking to hers. "It's also unnecessary to tell Souji of what happened here."

Chizuru thought about it, but she soon saw his point. It wouldn't be right to worry him needlessly. The last thing she wanted to become was a burden.

"I understand," she said.

"Good," he said, and soon he was gone. Chizuru sighed and gathered up the laundry.

She would just have to do better, that's all. Much better.

* * *

"I think he's finished, Souji," Harada drawled.

Yatsudora was panting and sweating, definitely more than a little bruised as he tried and failed spectacularly at trying to stand. He was also failing to hide a glare at his own captain. Souji sighed, lowering his training sword.

"How boring," he sighed.

"Don't you know how to hold back at all?" Heisuke said. He was grinning, but he looked sorry for the guy.

Souji shrugged. "Where's the fun in that?"

Harada wasn't about to point out that it was actually Souji who challenged the kid for a spar. Souji called it "training," and the consequence of missing some of his duties the day before, but there was a reason only the captains ever sparred with Souji. He'd nearly broken the younger man's left arm with his first strike, and it had only gotten uglier from there.

But Harada wasn't the only one to spot the way Souji's eyes hardened, glinting even though he smirked in his usual devil-may-care way.

"If you were just going to embarrass yourself, you shouldn't have pretended to be a challenge," he said, his smirk stretching. "Next time, I might just gut you and be done with it."

Yatsudora said nothing, but his irritation followed by the way he lowered his gaze spoke volumes.

Harada shared a look with Saito, who fairly rolled his eyes.

Souji had issues. But this at least, Harada understood.

* * *

when Kondou entered a room, people took notice. Not just because he was the Chief of the Shinsengumi, but because his presence seemed to light every corner of the room. Chizuru could tell by how often he smiled, the man preferred to be jovial and approachable rather than stern. Perhaps he left that to Hijikata, but Kondou was the kind of person no one could stay unaffected by his charm, along with his boisterous laugh.

Today he came into the common room with Hijikata, where the other captains had been told to gather. Chizuru had prepared tea for them all, but it looked like they wouldn't need it. Kondou had brought enough sake for everyone.

The doors were open, giving them a wonderful view of the cherry blossoms that had finally bloomed outside. Chizuru had just swept the courtyard of all the dead leaves and twigs, so it really was a lovely scene.

"We've all been so busy lately, but we shouldn't be too lost in our work that we pass up the chance to savor a beautiful spring day," he said, patting Souji's shoulder as he offered a warm smile. Souji's grin softened for Kondou.

"As usual, you say it best, Kondou-san."

The older man laughed and continued their conversation out in the courtyard.

Chizuru smiled to herself. She had gathered _tokkuri_ flasks and begun serving the other men, falling into familiar habits as she quietly accepted thanks from Shinpachi, Heisuke, and even Saito who took part with a cup.

"Aw, you know you don't have to do that, Chizuru-chan," Harada said. His smile was charming, but the difference with Harada was she knew he was always sincere. He was an honest, kind man who considered the thoughts and feelings of others.

"It only makes sense if I do it, right?" She smiled a little impishly. Harada chuckled.

"I see Souji's rubbing off on you," he said. "Just know, you've been helping us a lot, and we appreciate it. But none of us expect that kind of thing from you. Don't feel like you have to."

"Not at all," she protested. "I like helping. And if I can do any small thing, it means you all can focus on what's important."

Harada eyes widened a little, but eventually he smiled. His gaze turned heavenward as he took a sip from his cup. "He does have some amazing luck."

Chizuru blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Don't worry about it." He shook his head, though his smile remained in place. Heisuke soon came over, already with a suspicious blush on his cheeks and a too-wide smile.

"Chizuru-chaan! Could I get a refill?"

"How many have you had already?" Harada remarked. Heisuke waved him off.

"Just one or two. Could you serve me another one, Chizuru-chan? You're still so good at it!"

Chizuru smiled, but she happened to glance over where Hijikata was sitting with Sannan close by. His sharp violet gaze flicked toward the courtyard. Kondou and Souji were still talking outside. He frowned a warning at Heisuke. "You've had enough."

Sannan smiled in that deceptively placid way of his. "If you're so intent on getting drunk inside the compound, you should pour your own drinks, Heisuke-kun."

"I don't mind," Chizuru said. She had already gone through the trouble of refilling the _tokkuri_, but something stopped her. She couldn't quite explain it. Maybe it was the subtle strain of tension she sensed between the Commander and Heisuke, and even Harada who silently watched.

"I-I'm not drunk!" Heisuke refuted. "What's the big deal? It's not like she hasn't done it before."

"He's right."

Their heads snapped to Souji, who stood in the entryway with Kondou beside him. While the other man took a seat beside Hijikata, Souji crossed his arms and sat against the wall, his sword propped against his shoulder like usual. His expression looked impassive as he smiled.

"It doesn't really matter," he added.

"Eh?" Heisuke uttered. His smile was a touch nervous.

"I don't mind if Chizuru plays geisha for Heisuke-kun," Souji's lips curved into a smirk. "In return, I'm sure he'll be free to be my sparring partner tomorrow."

Chizuru didn't know what it meant that Heisuke seemed to pale and immediately start backtracking. He claimed that maybe he'd lay off the sake for a while anyway. But she knew by now, the look in Souji's eyes was anything but amused.

Did it bother him that she was trying to help? He hadn't said anything about it, but he'd looked pleased before when Kondou or Hijikata entrusted her to a task. Maybe it was…_oh._

And then it hit her, with a blush that stained her cheeks. She smiled, gathering the _tokkuri_, and got up to kneel beside him. He looked up at her. Without taking her eyes off the saucer (she'd blush even more if she met his gaze so directly), she filled it with sake. It was still warm, but not as warm as her face when she caught the way he was grinning at her now.

"Thanks, Chizuru-chan."

"Ah! I forgot to mention," Kondou said, earning their attention. "I have to admit, the main reason I wanted all of us together was to share some important news."

He graced Souji and Chizuru with a father's smile.

"I've been able to set a date with the shrine for a month's time."

It didn't take long for choruses of congratulations, laughter, and some pointed teasing at Souji's expense to fill the room. Chizuru found herself permanently flushed from some of it, but she couldn't help smiling. Despite the difficulties, she felt surrounded by warmth and kindness here. Like she finally belonged somewhere.

When she looked up at Souji, he didn't look comfortable with so much attention, and clearly wasn't used to being teased so much. But there was something else about the way he frowned, his eyes drifting away from it all to the courtyard outside.

Chizuru should be happy, and she was. Yet there was still an ache in her chest that suddenly made her feel like crying.

Maybe she was overthinking it.

* * *

Chizuru smoothed the lines in Souji's brow. His head was pillowed by her lap as he twirled a strand of her hair around his finger.

She hadn't expected him to visit her, but he'd come late after dinner that night.

"You didn't have to do that earlier, with Heisuke-kun," she told him. "I don't mind doing things for the other captains. You all act like brothers. It's nice to see."

His smile flattened somewhat. "They're not my brothers."

She smiled secretly at his grumpiness. She didn't realize how jealous he could be.

"And you're not their servant, so don't act like one."

His tone was terse, but she understood why this time.

"But I'm allowed to serve you?" She gestured pointedly to a half-empty cup of tea on a tray next to him. He smirked, reaching up to gently grasp her chin in his hand. His long fingers brushed her cheek.

"I'm a very selfish man, Chizuru. I don't share well."

That particular confession predictably left her with a hot blush. His green eyes were sharp then, almost predatory in their honesty. It took her breath away for a moment.

"I really don't mind," she whispered.

"There will be a lot of things you'll have to deal with," he said, "least of all something stupid like this."

"What do you mean?"

Souji quirked a brow up at her, but eventually, he sat up out of her embrace.

"Forget it. 'S not important."

It didn't seem like something unimportant. In fact, Chizuru thought something deeper had been bothering him since this afternoon. "Is there something else troubling you, Okita-san?"

He shot her a somewhat guarded look.

"Like what?" he smirked. "Think I have cold feet or something?"

Chizuru looked away from him, fingering the hem of her kimono sleeve out of embarrassment. "I-I didn't say that."

She knew he cared for her, but maybe he just didn't want to do this. Maybe all the little things she was doing just wasn't enough, in light of the kind of trouble she could make for him. Yatsudora was a soldier in his own unit, after all. She doubted Saito had told him about that day, but still…

"You know this already," Souji said, breaking her from her thoughts. He didn't look at her, but he was uncharacteristically serious. "I'm a sword for the Shinsengumi, for Kondou-san. I can't really do anything else. I'm just not cut out for it."

_So what is he saying?_ she thought. What was he trying to tell her?

Did it have something to do with what Kondou was speaking with him about earlier in the courtyard?

She was curious about his relationship with the chief. He obviously cared for him like a brother, maybe even a father figure. Kondou similarly treated him almost like a son, and there was no one, besides maybe Hijikata, who was so fiercely loyal to him than Souji was.

But while she admired that fact, he seemed to think that all he was good for was being a tool to be used.

Chizuru wasn't sure what would happen once they were married. She didn't even know if they would continue living here in the compound, let alone if she would be a good wife. She'd lost her mother before she could learn so many important things; she was genuinely worried about disappointing him.

Was it possible that Souji was having similar thoughts?

"Okita-san," she said slowly, "are you worried?"

He didn't answer her, but the way his eyes slid up to hers, hesitating, told her she'd probably guessed correctly. Feeling somewhat emboldened, she reached out for his hand, holding it in both of hers.

"I just want you know that I'm happy here. Truly," she smiled. "So…so you don't have to worry about me or anything."

He looked surprised for a moment, but it was soon overtaken by warmth and his usual flirtatious smirk.

"_Heh?_~ Is that so?"

She nodded firmly. Chuckling, he laced their fingers together.

He shifted and laid back down again, resting his head in her lap with a cavalier sigh. "I'll try not to then."

Chizuru frowned down at him.

"That-that didn't sound very sincere."

"Not going to let me off easy, huh?"

"I've known you long enough to tell when you're lying."

"Man, what a pain," Souji lamented. He let go of her hand to roll onto his side away from her. "I can see what I'll have to deal with from now on."

She pouted. _He_ never stopped teasing her, and he was complaining that _she_ was the stubborn one?

"Okita-san—"

Before she knew it, he was settling in her futon like a cat curling up for a nap.

"All your nagging's made me tired. Maybe we should practice sleeping in one bed then?"

"You have your own room, Okita-san," Chizuru shook her head. No matter how appealing the prospect was to sleep in his arms, rather than sleep alone, it wasn't proper and he couldn't be caught leaving her room in the morning.

"By the way," he said, glancing at her over his shoulder with a decidedly indecent veneer. "you'll have to learn to call me something else soon. Why don't you come warm me up, _Chizuru-chan_?"

Was it possible to die of embarrassment? Chizuru didn't know for sure, but if it was, then Okita Souji would surely be the death of her.


End file.
